question to consider

what sets me apart from non-christians in a way that would make them want what i have?

no "christianese" answers allowed. what do people really want? do i have it? how do i share that? these are questions i am currently pondering...

thoughts, ideas, comments? i want to hear them all.

a jesus and lisa life

so this season of life is very much a season of "jesus and lisa." what exactly do i mean by that? well, i guess what i mean is that i feel like this is a time where jesus has me in a position where i'm almost required to go to him. also a time where i'm learning more what it means to be "in the world but not of it." i'm more "in the world" than ever before in a lot of ways, and i know god wants to use me where he has me. duh. otherwise he would put me elswhere...but at the same time i need to refrain from becoming like the world. honestly, it's a good place to be. realistically, it's not always easy to see that it's a good place to be. why? because i'm human, and god's ways are higher than mine. however, god is gracious, and i know that he is more than willing to keep me in this place until i truly grasp that he is good and actually place my hope in him. god is gracious, incredibly gracious. currently, i'm actually ok with it being me and jesus time. who else would i rather have time with? there's no one better than the god of the universe, right? my blog's getting long, so i'll be done for now. life is crazy, but god is faithful. so, so faithful!

clarification from jesus...

when you set aside some time to seek the lord, he seems to show up. at least that was my experience today. i knew that i needed to spend time with jesus. i knew that i needed to hear from him, but it wasn't happening. so i decided to read my bible. if i can't hear from god by listening maybe i can hear by reading his word? those were my thoughts. honestly, i didn't really feel like i was going to get too much out of it, and i didn't really want to read more than one day's worth of reading, but i decided it was time for that self-discipline i keep talking about. i've been behind in the "one year bible reading" for quite some time now. i've been reading my bible throughout the year, but i missed some days here and there and got behind a bit. i decided today was the day to make some progress with that. i said, "lord, i'm not hearing you, and i don't know how to make that happen, but i'm going to get in your word. speak to me if you want." guess what? he actually said some pretty cool stuff and gave me some clarity on things. check it out:

surrender-it's a choice. it's saying "i'm done going my own way, i'm ready to follow you, lord."

god's love is not like my love that is so conditional and self-serving so much of the time. his love is unconditional and self-sacrificing.

god's not up in heaven sitting on his throne distracted by a football game not hearing my cries. god is right here waiting excitedly to hear me pour out my heart to him. he really cares.

god fully understands me because he is the one who created me. he is the one who made all the intricacies of my personality so he knows them all. i never surprise the lord, and he always gets me even when i don't understand myself.

all the things i go through in my life, experiences i have, situations i am in, etc. are like tools god is adding to my "ministry tool kit." these things are purposeful. god knows what he's doing, and he's not taking me through things without a reason.

when people use people, it's out of hope for selfish gain, but when god uses people, he does it out of the selfless desire to allow us to do what he made us to do. god created me to know and love him and to know and love others. when he uses me, he is allowing me to do what is most fulfilling. he created us with the capacity and desire to be used by him. that is when life is the most worth living--when we are allowing the lord to use us.

god is pretty amazing. i should listen more closely, more often.

realizations from this week.

1. i make a lot of messes, all the time, every day.
2. in and of myself, i am super selfish and self-centered.
3. god's grace is limitless.
4. everything in this life is temporary.
5. compared to a lot of people, my life is absolutely amazing and i should have nothing to complain about, yet i am not nearly thankful enough.
6. my hope needs to be in jesus.
7. i'm not in control of my life, and when i try to be, it's not a good situation.

those are some very tangible life lessons this week. my conclusion? i need jesus. a lot.

life...

life. it doesn't usually make sense. that's what god's for. not to make it all make sense but to be in control even when things are crazy, hard, and don't make any sense. i need my jesus. i used to think god's job was to make sure i grasped what was going on in my world...so not the case. god's job is to be by my side even when it doesn't make sense. he's the one who walks me through it.

questions.

ever feel like everything you say is the wrong thing at the wrong time? that's my life lately. it's like i keep saying stuff then wondering why. what was i thinking? that whole deal. fun times, right? it's like just stop talking, lisa. sometimes it would be better that way and a lot less messy. why oh why does my little tongue get me in such seemingly big messes? i hate it. as does everyone else around me i'm sure. i'm really feeling like i'm grasping hold of the fact that on my own, there's not a lot i am capable of aside from making messes. i need jesus to do anything constructive. another question i've been pondering--why can't i just live my life without constantly analyzing it? actually multiple people in my life have asked me this question lately. another reason to consider it. why can't i just practice the whole walking by faith and not by sight thing? why do i know the truth yet not seem to grasp it practically? another area where jesus has to intervene. life without jesus is just a big mess. i need jesus at the center or else it all falls apart.

i know what i want.

1) a heart that is surrendered to the lord and that fully belongs to him
2) child-like faith to really believe that the lord is able to do what seems impossible
3) a life submitted to jesus christ

this is my wish list for jesus. i can't make any of this happen. i'm done trying. i need jesus to make it happen. do what it takes, lord.