it's been awhile...

i realize that it has been quite awhile since i've posted on my blog so i figured i would just do it. :-) i think one of the main reasons behind the lack of posts in the past several months is a feeling of having a lack of "answers."

as anyone who knows me very well at all is aware, i am someone who loves to know and understand things. i like to grasp the big picture as well as the minute details, beginning to end, back to front, everything. i guess you could say that i like to know things. i kinda like my "black and white," "right and wrong," "yes and no" little world. unfortunately, this is not the reality of life. at all really. life is much more complicated than that, and this is where jesus comes into the picture. check out this verse. it's one of my current favorites.

isaiah 55:8-9 "'for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the lord. 'as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'"

i think one of the biggest life lessons god has been trying to teach me over this past year is that i am not in control. really? was i the last one to get that memo? yeah, you would think i would grasp this concept by now, but for some reason, it has been a challenging lesson to learn. god. he's the one who's in control. he's the one with the plans, the answers, the map. i'm the sheep, he's the shepherd. he leads, and i follow. at least that's how it's supposed to work.

god is faithful, and i need to learn to rely on his faithfulness more than on my own ingenuity, ability, and reasoning. i'll fail all day long, but he never will. i love having a god who's reliable. :-)

lord, please guide me and keep me. teach me to rely on you rather than myself. please make proverbs 3:5-6 true in my life. i need you desperately.

proverbs 3:5-6 "trust in the lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

john 10:27 "my sheep listen to my voice; i know them, and they follow me."

a meaningful life...

lately, i've been thinking about life. what it means and why it matters. not that i haven't thought about these things before, but i've been feeling unsatisfied with my standard cliche answers so i figured i'd revisit the topic...

here are some of my conclusions:

1) the obvious conclusion is that without jesus at the center it doesn't really matter; there is no lasting value. life is a vapor, you are here one day and gone the next. without jesus, you may as well, eat, drink, and be merry because tomorrow you die...it's only jesus who adds eternal meaning.

2) if jesus isn't at the center, something else is, and 9 times out of 10, that "something else" is me. no one wants that--especially those in my immediate sphere of influence. when i'm at the center, my meaning and purpose shrink to what i can do in and of (and often times for) myself...

nothing new, nothing profound, just some recent ponderings.

i can't, but god can

lesson of the day (or of the past few months--depending on how you want to view it): i can't, but god can.

for the past several months, god has been working with my on realizing his adequacy in spite of my own inadequacy. for some reason, this has been a very challenging lesson for me to learn.

here's the situation: there's a lot going on, a LOT...satan trying to achieve victory, situations progressing negatively, me looking around and feeling helpless. eventually it came to this conversation...
lisa: "i can't."
god: "i can."
lisa: "but i can't"
god: "you're right, but i CAN"
lisa: (silence)
god: (waiting)
lisa: (gives up)
god: (available)
lisa: (finally accepts that she can't but god can) i need you, lord.
god: i'm here. i always have been and always will be.

it was quite the long, drawn out process; however, god is patient. praise him for that!

lord, please help me to continue to realize that it is not about what i can or can't do. my life is about YOU and living in the strength of your might. thank you for your holy spirit who is with me always--you are not only on my side but by my side. thank you also for your grace and mercy and unending, unchanging love. please give me the boldness to share your love with those you have placed in my life. amen.

should, could, would...

why is it so easy to make goals yet so challenging to follow through with them??

i have a hypothesis: it's easy to set goals because we know what we "should" do, but unless we are actually motivated to do it, it's not gonna happen.

so how can i change this situation? i need to do more than just make goals for things i know i need to do. i also need to be clear on WHY i want to do those things. if i know exactly why i'm doing something perhaps i'll be more motivated...

that is my random thought for the day...

Fighting Back Mentor Program Video

This is the program that I coordinate. :-) We made this video in January.

Real kids, real stories.

We are having our annual "Mission for Mentors" Telethon on KEYT Channel 3 this coming Tuesday, April 8th from 5-8 p.m. Check us out! :-)

jonah.

i've been thinking about jonah recently and now have some questions.

1. why did god choose to use jonah to bring his message to the ninevites when jonah's heart was SO not into it? in fact jonah was directly opposed to the whole idea, did not share god's heart for the people, and attempted to run away from the call god had on his life?

interesting choice...perhaps "god's will" for our lives is not all about our interests and our "heart" or "passion" for something...maybe "god's will" has more to do with what GOD wants and what HIS plans are...maybe we're the ones who are supposed to be flexible instead of assuming that just because we have certain desires that is where he has us...hm...definitely something to think about...

2. isn't it interesting how jonah was one of the most effective prophets in the sense that the people he shared with actually repented and turned toward god? so often this was NOT the response...even after the fact, jonah did not rejoice in god's work...

thoughts? ideas? comments?

psalm 73

this is a psalm that i can relate to lately. (you'd have to read the whole psalm for the complete picture, but these verses are particularly salient for where i'm at right now.)

psalm 73:21-23
"then i realized that my heart was bitter, and i was all torn up inside. i was so foolish and ignorant--i must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. yet i still belong to you; you hold my right hand."

right now, as always, i am in need of jesus, but i have this terrible predicament i am creating--i am totally avoiding him. why? i'm not totally sure. i am not setting aside regular times, my time in the word is squeezed in when convenient, and overall, i am not really open to what the lord has to say. honest? yes. uplifting? not so much.

how did i get here? not totally sure. probably somewhat of a slippery slope. bleh. i am not a fan of "here" especially when i know i need to be "there" yet am very unmotivated to move. perhaps motivation doesn't matter. perhaps this whole matter is one of discipline...(see hebrews 12:11) in any case, i cannot do this on my own.

jesus and lisa combo please. with more jesus and less lisa.