my god is so good!!

i love serving a god who delights in going above and beyond. what could be better? so this past week was high school camp. as a leader i was going into it with the expectation that i had nothing to offer in and of myself but had all i needed in jesus. i did not want to go through the process of trying to do it on my own, failing, then turning to god. i was hoping to bypass that whole cycle by just starting off by admitting that i have nothing to give in and of myself. i felt like it was a good place to be. however, god certainly taught me a lot about how desperate i really am for him. it was actually pretty intense, but i'm grateful for the lesson. so there were like 64 kids at camp, and like half of them were new kids or kids who don't usually come to youth group. praise the lord for how many kids he brought!! also, this camp was super intense for me. i was like, "lord, i have absolutely nothing to give. i can't change kids' hearts. they need you." variations of that prayer were my life this past week. jesus brought me to the ultimate breaking point on friday when all i could do for a good hour or so was sit on this bench under a tree crying to the lord, literally crying--as in snot all over my towel. it was good times with jesus but super hard. i was so broken about the fact that kids were exposed to the truth of god's love and faithfulness and could ascribe to the belief but couldn't really receive it. i so badly wanted them to know god's love. i saw how broken they were, how in need of love. i saw the solution, jesus, but couldn't do anything else to make them "get it." in and of myself, i'm totally selfish and cry about things related to me, but this time the lord broke my heart for these kids. it was good but hard. good because for once, i wasn't crying over myself and my own little life. hard because there was absolutely nothing i could do to change these kids' hearts; that had to be the lord. luckily, the lord is so faithful to do so. my favorite verse in times like these is the one in philippians about god being faithful to complete the works he begins. that has to be one of my favorite promises of the lord. anyways, all this to say, god did some amazing stuff this week--he changed lives, brought repentence, and opened eyes. my god truly is amazing, and i am so, so, so desperate for him. he alone can satisfy the need of every living thing. i serve a big god. absolutely nothing is impossible for him. he can change the hardest hard, and he delights in doing so. check out ezekiel 36:25-27. hope in the lord does not disappoint! help me keep my hope in you, jesus!

a little update...

so lately life has been a little crazy. it's been good but busy. the obvious statement of the day is that work takes a lot of time. duh. but now that i'm actually doing it, it's even more obvious. at least work is good. thank you, lord. gotta love how the lord provides for every situation, work included. lately, i have been realizing to a greater degree how much god really has his hands all over my little life. i'm really excited about that because it allows me to have greater anticipation and faith for the future, my future in particular. i have long understood that god provides for me, but it is only recently that i have begun to understand that he is a loving father who takes into consideration my desires when making provisions. not that i will always have everything i want or every situation will match my little dream, it won't. but god is good. he knows me better than i know myself, loves me more than i love myself, and he's the one who's got it all in his hands. who would you rather have doing your life planning? a few weeks ago i made a post about marriage...i've returned to that topic a few times recently (why? i don't know, maybe because i'm a girl?), but this time more with anticipation rather than fear or dread. i know that god has it all under his control, and he'll work out that area of my life in his timing. so glad i don't have to figure it all out or secure the perfect (or at least god-following, lisa-loving ;-) ) husband. it's been cool to realize god's goodness and to be reminded of his faithfulness. these reminders have allowed me to trust him more with areas of my heart and life that i really want to go a certain way (eg. marriage, relationships, etc.). i know that god's way is the best way, and who doesn't want the best in their lives? i do. (random sidenote: i know that life doesn't always seem to be "the best," and if your life's shambles right now, be encouraged because god still has it in his hands. our lives are continually a work in progress. gotta love how our god never gives up.)

life lessons from jesus to lisa...

last night was pretty amazing. we had a women's bible study at church, and god was so faithful to meet us there. he always is, right? anyway, it was a good time for jesus to finally speak to me. i was all settled down, the work week was over, and now my attention was on him, where it should have been all along. you gotta love how patient and gracious the lord is. i do. anyways, the lord reminded me of some simple truths last night so i thought i'd share them with you. here they are:

1) often times, jesus didn't wait for people to come to him, but instead he would go to them. ex.-zaccheus, the woman at the well, etc. (another reminder to me about the whole being bold and stepping out in faith thing. definitely a life lesson for lisa right now. boldness in the lord.)

2) jesus is with me at all times, and he HAS been with me all along. there has never been a time where he hasn't been by my side. (this one was huge for me. unlike other people who walk in and out of my life, jesus has been there all along. he's known me since before time. he's not like everyone else who comes and goes, he's consistently there. how rad is that? god not only is with me in the present and will be with me in the future but he was with me in the past. i think it's easy for me to forget about that aspect of things. this reminder rocked my little world.)

3) god loves me (us) more than i (we) can ever understand, and his plans are way above and beyond all we could ask or imagine. god is completely good, and my life thus far has been good--not because it's always been easy, idyllic, or perfect in my eyes (it certainly hasn't), but because it has been in jesus' hands, and he is good. he doesn't protect me from all that is hard or painful, but he is with me all along the way, waiting for me to surrender those things to him so he can carry them. man, my jesus is so, so good. how can such an amazing god love us (me) so much? it's all part of the mystery...

hope these litte reminders bless you guys. they certainly rocked my little world.

jesus, be the center

i NEED, NEED jesus to be the center of my life...my life is not about me. i am not to live my life looking first to my own needs, wants, etc. also, my life isn't about if i'm the most amazing, most loved, most successful person. my life needs to be about jesus and seeking him. even if that means i don't get the things, attention, friends, whatever i think i want. guess what? jesus knows what i really want, and as i've pointed out before he is the giver of every good and perfect gift. why don't i trust him more? let's be honest, when i do trust him, it rocks my world. he is always so incredibly faithful, and he goes above and beyond. i hate not trusting god more. this isn't some essay on how much better life is with jesus (although that is the truth), this is a journal entry from a girl who is over her life not being enough about jesus (why i'm posting it for you to read, i don't know, but apparently i am). i'm definitely entering into a new season of life, and i need jesus to be the center. i don't want my relationship with jesus to be mundane. i don't want it to be routine. i want it to be the realationship of my lifetime. i just need to fix my eyes on him, take them off of all the other things in my life, and submit to his leading. lord, i know your plans are good, and i really do wanna walk in them. please do what it takes to make that happen. thanks, god, for hearing and answering. i look forward to being closer to you.

new job...

today was my first day at my new job. one of my overall sentiments is that i feel like i need to be more "grown up" now that i have a "real" 40 hr/wk job. i had to go purchase some new additions to my wardrobe yesterday so i would have the proper attire for my new "business casual" dress code. fun times. shopping in the "career/wear to work" section made me feel all professional or something, and i felt kinda out of place. "professional lisa" is a new look that may take some getting used to--collared shirts, slacks, little sweater outfits...anyways, more important than my attire is the job itself, right? :-) i think it's gonna be good. one thing i'm confident in is that this is where the lord has me right now, and he is always completely faithful. so i'm stoked on that. i'm also confident in the fact that i'm going to need him a lot, especially these next few months when i'm formulating a game plan for the upcoming school year's mentor program. a lot of responsibility's in my hands, and i'm deciding to place it in the lord's hands. that way i know it won't all fall to pieces. gotta love how the lord is so reliable. i know i do. this new season is for sure going to be challenging and a time of growth. i'm going to need to be more assertive and confident than i usually am...that is definitely going to be one of the main challenges. i've been praying for boldness over the past year; here's my chance. i know i can be assertive when i need to be, but let's just say it's not in my immediate realm of comfort. but let's be honest...how often does jesus say, "hey lisa, let's keep you in your little comfort zone." um, maybe not so much. it's more like, "hey lisa, get out of your little bubble, speak up, and get out there." oh lord, help me walk in that; that my confidence would be in you and my identity hidden in you. and so the journey begins...

feelings...

it's so interesting to note how quickly emotions can change. one minute i can be on top of the world, and the next i can feel like i'm falling on my face. i'm so glad that the truth never changes, and that the lord is steadfast and unwavering. he's seriously so good. these up/down emo moments are the times when i appreciate the unchanging character of the lord even more. my emotions are just emotions; they don't dictate the truth. amen to that!! my identity is in christ, and it is not derived from my view of me or others' views of me. i feel like i'm taking a risk posting this because it could definitely make me sound like some emo roller coaster girl, but whatever, maybe someone can relate.

guess what??

so the job search is now officially over. jesus landed me the perfect position. i couldn't have asked for anything better. yay jesus! you rock my world! wanna know what i'll be spending my time doing from 9-5ish monday through friday? if you're still reading this, i'm guessing you wanna know. so i'll be working for the santa barbara council on alcoholism and drug abuse as their "mentor program coordinator." yay! i'm super excited, slightly nervous, but i know it will all be good. jesus is with me wherever i go including work...maybe especially work. :-) the coolest thing is that this job is doing something that i believe in. i'm all about kids having support from caring adults. who's not really? and i'm definitely someone who enjoys administrative things so "coordinator," although slightly scary, should be a good role. definitely a role where i'll need jesus, but when is there a time i don't need him? hmm...let's see. um, never. so once again, yay for jesus! can i just say god is so incredibly good! he really, really is! god does provide, and he for sure goes above and beyond!!

p.s. here's a link to info on the mentor program i'll be coordinating if you're interested: http://sbcada.org/en/fighting-back/mentor.html

"job interview lisa"

I thought I would post a pic of "Job Interview Lisa." Today was interview #8! So many interviews...at least I can honestly say that I feel fairly comfortable in the interview setting by this point. It's actually not that bad, but I am hoping to be near the end of the job search process. I am pretty interested to see what the Lord has in store for me this next season of life. Whatever it is, I know that He has a purpose and that it will be good. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." (James 1:17) My God is so good! I especially love the part about not changing. Right now, it kinda seems that everything around me is changing, but not my Jesus. :-) Gotta love the steadfastness of the Lord. I do!

let's talk about jesus!!

so i know that talking about my life is fun, but it's even more fun to talk about jesus!! so here we go...jesus is really good! so, so good!! words can't really explain how good, but i will attempt...my comfort zone limits god's work, but when i step out of it, god is so incredibly faithful to complete his work. lately, i feel like god has been wanting me to grow in boldness (kinda scary). i tend to be someone who is pretty quiet when i first meet people and someone who waits for people to approach me or for people to in some way invite me to talk to them. lame, i know, but that's how it is. lately, jesus has been like, "um, lisa, you can't just sit around waiting for people to come to you. you have the truth, and you need to take it to others." it's not a truth or my truth, but the truth. it is not relative! think about it this way--jesus wants each and every person to have an intimate love relationship with him. he created each one of us with the need to have that relationship with him in order for us to be fulfilled. without that relationship, we are always searching, whether we're aware of it or not. it's not like sharing jesus with others is me sharing "my beliefs" or just "my testimony;" it's me sharing with them what god has already created them to want and need. of course, there may be resistance to the truth because the enemy has blinded the minds of unbelievers (2 Cor. 4:4), but jesus is more than able to remove those scales. anyways, tonight i had the awesome experience of stepping out of my little comfort zone in obedience to the lord and seeing god do rad things in people's lives. god truly does answer prayer! i am seriously so stoked on jesus right now! why don't i listen to him more often? god wants to do above and beyond, and he wants to use me. how rad is that?! yay for jesus!!

the job hunt continues!

i'm still on the hunt for a job, and i am pretty much back at square one with that. i turned down the 2 jobs i was offered, and i am now looking in a new field. i think that i would like to explore more of the administrative field. i've been doing the whole working with kids thing pretty much my whole life, and i know that i have really enjoyed the organizational and administrative aspects of jobs i have had before. so i figured, why not at least see if there are any possibilities in that field...once again, i reiterate the fact that GOD HAS A PLAN. i have no idea what it is, but he does. honestly i'm not feeeling stressed about it because i know it will all work out, but i am somewhat frustrated that i don't even know what i want to do with my life. i feel like most people have at least some idea of what they wanna do, but me...maybe not so much. if i could have any job in the entire world, i'm still not sure what i would want to do. wow. there's always something going on in my life!

sometimes i just wanna run away...

ever get that feeling like you just wanna run away from everything that's going on in your life? i kinda feel like that today. not that my life isn't good, but sometimes it seems that running away would be the easiest option. you get to go somewhere new, start over, have a fresh slate...that is my romanticized version of running away. in reality, it probably wouldn't be so care free, easy, or simple, and there would for sure be things and people i would miss. i pretty much feel that i'm where i'm supposed to be for now; i just need to figure out what that really means. what am i called to? how should i spend my time and energy? what should my priorities be? so many questions, and so few direct answers. all that i know for sure is that i need to be planted where i'm at...whatever that means. i declined two job offers today, and i'm not totally sure what's next. we shall see. i will keep ya posted. i know the lord has it all under control. the key point is that it's all under HIS control, not mine.

why blog?

well, let's see. what to say today? i feel like there are so many topics i could tackle right now. it's like i have a reservoir of things to say, but i feel like i've been a little deep lately so it's time for a swim in the shallow end. :-)

ever think about this whole blogging thing in-depth? i mean why do we write out all this stuff for others to read? i think about my posts, and a lot of the stuff i write is stuff that would be difficult for me to talk about in person, stuff that would result in somewhat awkward conversations if they were face to face. sometimes i feel like i'm pretty much putting my little heart on a page. so instead of actually talking about it, i write things in a post for anybody to read...something about that seems a little strange. but obviously not strange enough to keep me from posting...i think that one of the attractions of writing a blog is that in some ways it feels safer than talking to a person. a blog can't disagree with you, create awkward situations, result in tension, and it allows you to say everything you wanted to say without getting interrupted or distracted. those are what i would consider pros, but sometimes i wonder how deep is too deep? how much is too much to share with the entire world (or at least the handful of people who know this blog exists)? i guess as long as it's something i'm ok with people knowing, i'll write about it. i think there are quite a few things i'm perfectly fine with people knowing but not so sure i want to tell them face to face. so those are my thoughts on blogging. i think as long as it doesn't replace honest conversations, it's all good. :-)

posting again?

so i know this is the second post of the day, but i feel like there's been a lot going on in my life lately--especially with regard to my heart and my mind. first, check out this verse. it goes along with the theme of my earlier post about being broken before the lord and surrendered to him completely. john 12:24-25 "i tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. but its death will produce many new kernels--a plentiful harvest of new lives. those who love their life in this world will lose it. those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity." that kind of attitude has to be the lord; i can't get there on my own. help me, god! other than that, i've been thinking about so many other random things lately: life goals, ministry stuff, career, relationships, family, friends, marriage, purpose, the list could continue...mostly, i just want jesus to be at the center giving marching orders for me to follow. life with him in control is the only way to go. that is life and life abundantly.

*warning* this next section is all about my thoughts on marriage. :-)

another topic i've been thinking about a little bit lately is marriage. i know, i know, such a typical girl topic to think about. don't worry, i don't have my wedding all planned out or anything like that, but i have been thinking about the whole concept of marriage lately. last semester, i took a class on marriage, and i feel like i learned a lot. the emphasis of the class seemed to be on the difficulty of marriage with a couple of examples of the joy of marriage at the very end of the class. if the purpose was to prevent hasty, thoughtless marriages, i think it should have succeeded. however, i don't think i would be one to jump into marriage anyway. not like i have that option right now, but that's beside the point...basically, marriage kinda scares me because it's such a big commitment. i am definitely someone who's all about commitment, but that sort of life-long commitment is kinda a big deal, ya know? anyways, i've also been thinking about the high standard i hold for the person i'd want to marry: they gotta love jesus a lot, serve him and others in their daily lives, be open and honest about their lives/thoughts/feelings, a good listener, thoughtful, respectful, responsible, and considerate. i guess that pretty much covers my "list." oh, and they have to love me for who i am--that's huge. :-) i think that's everything. why am i thinking about marriage anyway? i'm not dating anyone, in fact i never have. i guess it's just because random people will ask me questions about dating, marriage, etc., and i'm not gonna just bring it up in random conversations so i figured i'd make a post. obviously, i didn't meet someone in college. so now what? i'll just wait on the lord. i don't think i'm in any hurry to jump into a relationship, but i'd rather not be 30 and still single really...we'll see what happens. random, i know. never know what you're gonna get when you read my posts. :-)

brokenness at the beach...

so i spent some time this morning with jesus at the beach, and this is what came from our time...

salty tears run down my cheeks as i listen to songs of god's love and delight in me. a combination of complex emotions produce these tears--sadness, loneliness, uncertainty, a sense of completeness in the lord, awe at the perfection and completeness of his love and his willingness and desire to be my EVERYTHING, frustration that others can't really see me--that no one sees me like jesus does. my heart has so many emotions. i'm glad to finally cry, but i'm not sure what it accomplishes. i feel like i can be real with jesus. it's my most intimate and honest relationship, and i think it's true that some things can only be learned in pain. maybe that's this season--a time of growth through pain. in the face of uncertainty, one thing is clear--jesus wants all of me and most of all my heart. take it, jesus. lord, please let me stay in this place of brokenness until i have the fullness of what you have for me here. snot running down my face, teary eyes, and to you this is beautiful. no one else sees that, but you who see most clearly and know me most deeply, see me as PERFECT in your sight. lord, this i can't even comprehend. you are SO incredibly good!

After all this, I felt like the lord sighed, and was like, "good job, lisa. we've reached the end of you, now it's my turn."

so over myself...

i am so incredibly glad that my life is not all about me. technically, my life is not even mine: i was bought at a price so i am to honor god with my body (1 cor 6:19-20). this life belongs to jesus, and i am here to do what he has prepared for me to do-nothing more and nothing less. that may not sound appealing to some who may fear that obeying jesus means giving up all fun and fulfillment; however, this is far from the case. in fact, god is the giver of every good and perfect gift...nothing good is found outside of him. also, he loves and knows me best so his plans are perfect for me. he created me just as i am (minus the sinful nature of course), and he wants to use me as me. he doesn't ask for me to become someone else in order to be useful in the building up of his kingdom. he has given me specific gifts and roles, and he expects me to walk those out. he's all about using me when i am being who he created me to be. i can't really do a good job of being anyone else anyway, can i? i love that god's love for me never changes and am so glad that he gives me a purpose beyond anything this world has to offer. my jesus is the best, and i want everyone to know him. :-) i truly believe that if anyone really sees god for who he is, they'll fall in love with him. he's just so good! unveil our eyes, lord!! allow us to see you as you truly are, and make us more like you!

more than a cost-benefit analysis...

i've been thinking a lot latley about how to make godly decisions, as may be obvious by my previous post. i've come to the conclusion that decisions need to be more than a simple cost-benefit analysis. if all i'm doing is making a list of pros and cons, benefits and costs, that makes me the center of the equation and doesn't leave room for god or even much room for others. ultimately, the main factor in my decision making needs to be "what does god have for me?" don't get me wrong, i still do my little cost-benefit analysis thing. i make mental lists of pros and cons, but in the end, i gotta take those things to the lord and ask that his will be done. i love the promise that when we ask anything according to his will, he hears us, and we have that for which we have asked(1 John 5:14-15). your will be done, lord, in EVERY area of my life!!! simple prayers are the greatest. :-) i'm pretty excited to see what the next step is, but more excited that i don't have to do it alone. gotta love the lord and his faithfulness!

decisions...

i NEED to pray. this much i know. decisions have to be made, but i don't have clarity yet. i feel like it has been quite the journey thus far of figuring out the next step (aka where to work). i have completed four interviews and two full days of training over the last week and a half, and i have two more interviews scheduled this week as well one more the beginning of next week...it's kind of an intense schedule. i don't mind the interviews, but it would be nice to have more clarity about where to be and what to pursue. my prayer is that god will make it super clear and close doors where he wants them closed. i know this isn't some sort of life or death decision, but work will be a huge part of my life. forty hours a week is a lot of time, and i want to spend it wherever i can be the most effective for the kingdom of god. i know god can use me anywhere, but i also know that he knows where would be best. lead me, lord!!

ever just wanna cry?

so i don't want to seem overly emotional or anything, but ever have those times where you kinda just wanna cry but you can't really? those times where so many things are super unclear, confusing, uncertain, or just not fun? that's kinda where i'm at right now. don't get me wrong, my life isn't complete shambles, but there are a lot of things on my heart and mind. it's one of those times where i'm feeling so full of thoughts, ideas, and emotions to the point where it's kind of hard to talk about stuff. it's a time where i am so incredibly thankful that the lord already knows my thoughts and understands me completely without me having to explain and re-explain myself. not that i don't love talking to people about these things or that i don't value processing through stuff, but right now, i'm at this place where i'm super thankful at least someone gets me fully. i hate being in a place where i feel unable to talk about all the things i am thinking about or feeling. it's probably on my top five most annoying things list--not being able to express myself clearly. for now, i will have to continue reminding myself that my jesus knows and cares and that it won't always be this way. it's just a phase of life, and hopefully one that will result in growth. sometimes i just wish there were an easier way to grow...oh well. i am confident that it will all work out in the end. it may not ever make sense or be fun, but i trust that if i seek the lord during this time, it will be purposeful.

more thoughts...

apparently i have needed an outlet for awhile as can be seen by the lengthiness of my posts thus far. thoughts of today have been scattered and kinda random. i think a lot of my thinking lately is prompted by the fact that i am in the middle of perhaps the biggest transition of my life thus far--graduating from college and moving on to whatever's next. sometimes it's kinda scary. i know that everything will work out, but i have no clue what that means or what it will look like. the one thing my life cannot be is status quo. i've been thinking about the whole status quo thing lately and how much i do NOT want my life to be like that. jesus was for sure not about maintaining the status quo. he was pretty radical in fact. sometimes i feel way too complacent. another thing i've been pondering lately is sacrifice. if my life is not going to be status quo (all about living out the american dream or even just working for the sake of earning money so i can live the way i want), it's gonna require a sacrifice. how can i train myself to be willing to make those sacrifices? i guess by intentionally making some sacrifices in my daily life, right? what does that look like? sometimes i wish god gave us a more specific manual for living, but then life wouldn't be about a relationship with jesus but about following some formula. i know he just wants my heart, and i want him to have it. do what it takes, god!! i've been trying to figure out how i can grasp these truths without the classic having to go through the process of exhausting my own resources before finally grasping the truth that i can't do it on my own, but if that's what it takes...if god has to strip stuff away, i want him to do it. it may not be pleasant at the time (obviously), but in the long run, it will get me to the place where i want and need to be. god is good all the time. all the time god is good!

so how are me and jesus??

thought for the day--am i actually growing closer to the lord and genuinely becoming more like him or am i simply attempting to mimick him? allow me to explain what i mean by this...i want to be someone who genuinely seeks after the lord and serves him wholeheartedly. i never want to be somebody who simply attempts to make my life match up with biblical principles (think pharisee or legalist). the road of relying on my own strength or simply trying to make my life match what the bible says it should look like for the sake of doing the right thing ultimately leads to failure. god's standard of perfection and completeness necessitates reliance upon the holy spirit. sometimes i feel like i'm so concerned with doing the right thing that i miss out on just being in those intimate times with the lord. he cares so much more about my relationship with him than any decision i need to make, and on top of that, the natural outflow of an intimate relationship with jesus is that i will become more like him. anyone who's spent any time at the feet of jesus knows there's no place they'd rather be. so on that note, i think my only goal for the month of june (i'm for sure a goal setter) is that i will spend my time at the feet of jesus. obviously i'm not going to be on my knees all day every day, but i want to mindfully live my life with jesus, submit my decisions and daily life to him. i want to become more like jesus this month. the best thing is that i can be confident he wants that too! gotta love when you know you're praying god's will!