(dis)engaged.

jesus did not put us here on this earth to be completely disengaged with what is going on in the world around us. he has us exactly where we are for a reason, and it is not for us to be oblivious to our surroundings. often times, it seems that it is easy for us as christians to separate ourselves out from the world to such an extent that we are no longer salt and light. when jesus was walking this earth, this was not the way he lived his life. in fact, jesus was very engaged in his surroundings. he took an active approach to entering into the lives of others in his sphere of influence. this is not to say that we are to become like the world. by no means! we are to be separate from the world in behavior and attitude to be sure, but we are still to be in the world. "in the world, but not of it." there seems to be a fine line between the two, and the successful completion of this task requires the presence of the holy spirit in one's life. it's gotta be the lord. on our own, we just can't pull it off, but with jesus, all things are possible!

all i need.

colossians 1:17 "he is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

2 peter 1:3 "seeing that his divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and excellence."

i have all i need in jesus. now all i need to do is take hold of what he has given me, namely himself. :-)

help me, lord!!

[truth vs. emotion]

"without faith it is impossible to please god."

hm...i guess i should do something about that then. i am definitely someone who has a hard time with faith. i "know" the truth and the "correct answer" to many a dilemma and difficult situation thanks to my years of training in the word; however, often times it seems that there is some sort of a disconnect between what my mind knows to be true and what my heart actually believes to be truth.

for instance, lately, i have had this thing with the goodness of god. a thing where i'm not sure i'm actually understanding what it means for god to be good. it's like i believe god is "good" but in some abstract way. in a way that benefits "all people" but not specifically me. like god wants the best for everyone in a general sense but not necessarily the best for me in a more personal way. those verses about laying down my life, being the least of these, and suffering trials of many kinds come to mind in all this...i know that god's ways are higher than mine and that he really does love me and is intimately acquainted with all of my ways, but for some reason, i'm back to the place where i feel like my life is just going to be hard and not fun or emotionally fulfilling every day from now until the day that i die. it's like i'm despairing because i do not believe that i will see god's goodness in the land of the living or i don't understand what that goodness will look like and therefore will be unable to recognize it.

my perspective is wrong. i know that it's wrong, but i'm having trouble getting rid of it. i know that at least part of the problem stems from the fact that i am focused on me and not on the lord. if i just take my eyes off of myself for two seconds, i'm sure i will see things more clearly.

apparently this was true confession blog. why i'm telling the whole world how yucky of a sinner i am, i'm not totally sure, but here i am in all my selfish sinfulness. how it is that god still loves me despite my selfish yuckiness, my mind cannot comprehend.

help me to fix my eyes on you, lord. i know that you know best and that life with you is better than anything else. your plans are good, your ways are higher, you are a good god who is intimately acquainted with all of my ways. please help me to accept and respond to your discipline. i want to be more like you, but i can't do it by myself. i NEED you!

who is this god that i serve?

(a partial listing)

-he is willing and able to save
-he is faithful and true
-he is my good shepherd and my perfect peace
-he is the way, the truth, and the life
-he is my lord and my savior
-he is my father and my friend
-he is my refuge and my strength
-he is my ever-present help in time of need
-he is with me always even until the end of the age
-he is bigger and better

god. my god. he's right by my side at all times, will never leave nor forsake me, has my whole life, not to mention this entire universe, in his hands.

he holds all things together. he understands all things completely. he knows the beginning from the end.

my god. he's good. he's ready. he's right here.

i entrust myself to you, lord. your will be accomplished in and through my life. help me to lay all that i am down at your feet daily and to be used for your glory. i want my life to clearly point back to you in all that i am. i love you, lord. here am i, use me. amen.

the concept of "more."

the "more" of the lord isn't just for someone else, it's for me too.

i know that probably didn't make a whole let of sense, but allow me to explain. often times i seem to get into the mindset that what i have of the lord is supposed to be enough, and that is not necessarily the case...sometimes the lord may be asking me to press into him as he has more to give. it seems that so often i assume the lord has "more" to give to others, to those around me, but that i am supposed to somehow make it on what i have.

when the israelites were in the wilderness, did not the lord provide fresh manna each day? god does not expect nor does he want me to attempt to live on "day old manna." he has more for me. so much more. i just need to ask, seek, and knock.

pressing on...it's crucial.

help me, lord! when i am weak, you are strong.

scattered thoughts.

lately, my thoughts have been rather varied and scattered. i feel like there are a million things going on in my heart and mind. so much going on in every area of life that it's challenging to concentrate on any one thing. ultimately, i know that the lord is in control...it's just getting my heart and mind to believe that on a daily basis that takes discipline.

psalm 19:14 "may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, o lord, my rock and my redeemer."

more and better.

jesus really is more and better. do i live like that is the case? does my life portray that to others in a real, tangible way? those are some questions i am pondering. i want the answers to be yes.

one of my prayers lately is "purify my heart, lord. make me more like you. align my will with yours."

i am glad that we have a god who is able to sympathize with our weaknesses. imagine if that wasn't the case...if god was some distant, uninvolved god. i wouldn't want to serve a god like that much less be in an intimate relationship with him. thankfully, our god is nothing like that. he is good, caring, and intimately acquainted with all of our ways. i love that. more of you, lord. less of me.