clarification from jesus...

when you set aside some time to seek the lord, he seems to show up. at least that was my experience today. i knew that i needed to spend time with jesus. i knew that i needed to hear from him, but it wasn't happening. so i decided to read my bible. if i can't hear from god by listening maybe i can hear by reading his word? those were my thoughts. honestly, i didn't really feel like i was going to get too much out of it, and i didn't really want to read more than one day's worth of reading, but i decided it was time for that self-discipline i keep talking about. i've been behind in the "one year bible reading" for quite some time now. i've been reading my bible throughout the year, but i missed some days here and there and got behind a bit. i decided today was the day to make some progress with that. i said, "lord, i'm not hearing you, and i don't know how to make that happen, but i'm going to get in your word. speak to me if you want." guess what? he actually said some pretty cool stuff and gave me some clarity on things. check it out:

surrender-it's a choice. it's saying "i'm done going my own way, i'm ready to follow you, lord."

god's love is not like my love that is so conditional and self-serving so much of the time. his love is unconditional and self-sacrificing.

god's not up in heaven sitting on his throne distracted by a football game not hearing my cries. god is right here waiting excitedly to hear me pour out my heart to him. he really cares.

god fully understands me because he is the one who created me. he is the one who made all the intricacies of my personality so he knows them all. i never surprise the lord, and he always gets me even when i don't understand myself.

all the things i go through in my life, experiences i have, situations i am in, etc. are like tools god is adding to my "ministry tool kit." these things are purposeful. god knows what he's doing, and he's not taking me through things without a reason.

when people use people, it's out of hope for selfish gain, but when god uses people, he does it out of the selfless desire to allow us to do what he made us to do. god created me to know and love him and to know and love others. when he uses me, he is allowing me to do what is most fulfilling. he created us with the capacity and desire to be used by him. that is when life is the most worth living--when we are allowing the lord to use us.

god is pretty amazing. i should listen more closely, more often.