brokenness at the beach...

so i spent some time this morning with jesus at the beach, and this is what came from our time...

salty tears run down my cheeks as i listen to songs of god's love and delight in me. a combination of complex emotions produce these tears--sadness, loneliness, uncertainty, a sense of completeness in the lord, awe at the perfection and completeness of his love and his willingness and desire to be my EVERYTHING, frustration that others can't really see me--that no one sees me like jesus does. my heart has so many emotions. i'm glad to finally cry, but i'm not sure what it accomplishes. i feel like i can be real with jesus. it's my most intimate and honest relationship, and i think it's true that some things can only be learned in pain. maybe that's this season--a time of growth through pain. in the face of uncertainty, one thing is clear--jesus wants all of me and most of all my heart. take it, jesus. lord, please let me stay in this place of brokenness until i have the fullness of what you have for me here. snot running down my face, teary eyes, and to you this is beautiful. no one else sees that, but you who see most clearly and know me most deeply, see me as PERFECT in your sight. lord, this i can't even comprehend. you are SO incredibly good!

After all this, I felt like the lord sighed, and was like, "good job, lisa. we've reached the end of you, now it's my turn."