"restless"

i decided i'm feeling restless. i don't know why or what the deal is, but i'm not a huge fan. since when do i have so many conflicted feelings? apparently since the past month of my life. i feel like i'm doing way too much thinking, and i kinda just wanna stop. there are some things i just wanna be straightforward about. i just wanna be like, "here's how it is." the only thing precluding me from doing that would be the uncertainty and inability to control others' responses. don't get me wrong, it's not like there are a bunch of hidden things in my life i wanna talk about. it's more like there are a bunch of things i've been honest about but wanna be more straightforward about. i don't know. i can't exactly explain things right now. it's a time where communication is somewhat frustrating. all i know is that what i need and what i feel like i need don't always match up. what i want may not be what i need. i need jesus to be on the throne and give orders. so glad he's above all my drama...

my prayer: 2 chr. 20:12b "for we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on you." help me, lord...